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The Misanthropic Pregnancy.

Posted on 2010.03.01 at 21:00
Condition: hopefulhopeful
So here I am in the month 7, still alive and kicking. Well, he's doing more of the kicking than I am, which was great the first hundred times he did it but kinda lost its charm in month 6. His name's Langston, by the way. Yes, after that Langston. A suitable name, according to The Village, who rejoiced so loudly that--to be honest--I'm still lightweight tempted to throw in a Tyquan or a K'james just to piss folks off. Because I'm one of those progressive types who believe that a kid should be judged by his character and not the crazy number of apostrophes in his name.

That said, this journey has bee one big fucking pain in the ass. I don't see how some women do the multiple pregnancy thing. The scrutiny alone would be enough for me to swear off getting knocked up again. What are you doing? What are you eating? Are you sure you should be eating that? I read in BitchesDon'tHaveNOBusiness Monthly that you really shouldn't be doing that... Add to that the perfect strangers touching your belly without permission and a high risk specialist with the bedside manner of Gregory House and you've got a woman on the verge of a "Falling Down" moment. But then I'm sure someone would bitch at me for carrying a heavy ahotgun. You shouldn't be killing people in your condition! Yeah, yeah. I know.

The upside, though, is that you will never score as much free food in your life. Friends will come bearing lasagna and chocolate, or take you out to your favorite restaurant JUST because you're knocked up. It's kinda awesome. Sadly, the resulting heartburn and acid reflux isn't. But I'm lucky to have such a great support system. A lot of women don't.

I'm anxious. I dream about him, and wonder what type of man he'll become. I hope that he'll be the best parts of us. I can't wait to meet this kid.

And I can't wait to get my fucking body back.


Mary Dell
Fresh shit. marydell at 2010-03-02 02:26 (UTC) (Link)
I am so excited for you! Don't worry, once the pregnancy is over and you have a little baby in your arms, all the random advice coming from people totally stops and nobody will hassle you any more. BWA HA HA HA HA.

Actually once the baby arrives, instead of touching your belly some folks will try to touch your son, so you should be prepared for that with whatever your weapon of choice is.

Langston is a great name.
Beautiful Indeed
Fresh shit. innocencelost at 2010-03-02 04:04 (UTC) (Link)
you are such an awesome writer. to add to your list of dismay, told yo ass to blog from jump. women can appreciate your style!
Got to be good-looking 'cos he's so hard to see
Fresh shit. fa_ikaika at 2010-03-02 05:10 (UTC) (Link)
nice to have you back in the place 'id. We missed you.
Fresh shit. kittylarock at 2010-03-02 14:17 (UTC) (Link)


Langston Tyquan has a certain ring to it! I've already decided I'm throwing in an extra Shay-Shay or Peaches in my future baby's name just to keep her grounded and mess with people's heads. Anyway, I agree with everyone else about your writing. I'd totes read the WayoftheId's Guide to Pregnancy!
Fresh shit. catwoman980 at 2010-03-02 19:38 (UTC) (Link)
I fucking love everything you write.

I'm in month 5. Strangers aren't touching me, yet, but absolutely everything else you said is so fucking spot on.

I made the mistake of thinking that I wasn't going to tell anybody the sex. That immediately caused everyone to flip right the fuck out, because then HOW WOULD THEY KNOW WHAT TO BUY IT?! What if they chose something blue for a girl? Surely, then, my child will be scarred for life.
Beautiful Indeed
Fresh shit. innocencelost at 2010-03-02 22:12 (UTC) (Link)
make them tricks buy neutral colors & wait for the delivery! LOL

Congrats & ENJOY THE JOURNEY! lol
cheveux sable with earworm rampant
Fresh shit. lcohen at 2010-03-05 22:23 (UTC) (Link)
hurray for an update! hope months 8 and 9 are smooth sailing.
UR taste buds can't repel flavor of this magnitude
Fresh shit. sofvckinghot at 2010-04-20 13:45 (UTC) (Link)


I want to be forgiven but it wouldn't be right
Fresh shit. pachakuti at 2010-04-20 13:58 (UTC) (Link)
Here via karnythia to say congratulations on the new one!
Fresh shit. blondebeaker at 2010-04-20 16:53 (UTC) (Link)
Just popping in to say congrats on the wee one!
cheveux sable with earworm rampant
Fresh shit. lcohen at 2010-04-22 00:46 (UTC) (Link)
word is that you've made it through those last couple of months and have a kidlet! congratulations!!!!!
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